An Overview...
I grew up having anxiety. The heart-wrenching kind that prevents you from verbally engaging in anything because you are too scared of saying the wrong thing, embarrassing yourself, being made fun of, stuttering, saying something lame and losing the friends you finally made. For as long as I can remember, I was told I was "selectively mute" because who the heck was a pediatrician to say that I had anxiety when I didn't even communicate my thoughts and feelings? I lived this way for the first 15 years of my life. Now, I'm only 17, but a lot can change in just 2 short years.
When I was 14, I was overall just miserable. I wouldn't hang out with friends because they wouldn't include me no matter how hard I tried. They talked over me, made me walk behind them, and even ignored me in my own house. I was luckily able to hang out with one friend at a time, though I was so innocent that the conversations were so confusing to me. Like, did people actually do this stuff? Where were their parents? They're allowed to have social media and not be monitored? They're allowed to do and go anywhere with whoever? Though, the friends I had were very social, so I was able to get them to do all the talking for me.
Being so miserable, I started self harming, for I had no other way to share my sadness and anger towards my friends. I self harmed because I thought it could give me the no-fat, stick-figure-thin body that most people dream of. I self harmed because I hated my family for not letting me use a smartphone however I wanted, and when going around the rules and getting caught, feeling like a burden. I felt worthless. There was a suicide attempt. No one found out. I was finally caught self harming and was put in an IOP at High Focus. Long story short, I met some not good people, male, and some not good things occurred. Over time I also developed some unhealthy eating patterns. I tend to take on other people's problems. I got discharged, finally, though it helped the bare minimum. After a few months, a suicide attempt that in my eyes was "lame," lead my parents to bring me to the hospital, and lucky for me, got to choose between Partial and Inpatient. Guess which one I picked. After being in Partial for 3 weeks, I was able to go back to school! I guess I didn't mention that I hated school. I couldn't pass my classes without talking, therefore I just failed. I refused, in fact, terrified to miss a day of school, so being in Partial did not make me feel better. So, I went back to school for three days, I think, this was my sophomore year, and then there was a suicide attempt that brought me straight back to Partial. Whoops. 7 months later, and everyone just wanted me to go back to public school or a therapeutic day school. My parents obviously said no because both options would have brought me back to Partial, so I have no idea what the "professionals" were thinking, they were idiots, I'm sorry, but when they thought I was "okay," they were just gonna kick me out and let me suffer either emotionally or academically. Then I go to a Residential Treatment Center in Murray, Utah called La Europa Academy. Let me tell you, that was the best time of my life, but that was just me.
After those 15 months, I graduated, now I'm home finishing my senior year of high school, about to go to college, about to get my license, and working on my gold award for Girl Scouts (this website)!
I feel so lucky, and now I am ready to help others! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do so!
Alex