top of page

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Goal: Effectively asking for what you want

​

Describe the situation

Express your feelings

Assert yourself by asking

Reinforce by explaining positive   

Stay     Mindful and stay on your objectives

Appear confident--be effective

Negotiate--give to get

Self- Respect Effectiveness

​

Respect for Yourself

FAST

Self-Respect is the goal of this skill. This skill helps you balance investing in others and yourself

​

​

Fair to self (honor your own feelings, values)

Apologize less

Stick to values

Truthful with self

Interactions in Relationships

This skill helps to be in the moment and interact effectively with family, friends, others

​

  • Observe and Describe the Interaction

  • Be Mindful of Emotions

  • Engage in Opposite Behaviors when Useful

  • Remember to Breathe

  • Take a Non-Judgmental Stance

  • Use Assertive Communication

  • Show Self-Respect and Respect for Others

  • Develop Frustration Tolerance

This helps improve communications and help improve ability to sustain relationships

Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills

​

Broken Record:  Practice saying "no" or coming back to your needs and wants again and again

​

Ignore: Ignore judgments about yourself and others

​

Turn the Tables: Be reciprocal. Do things for others

SITUATIONS FOR INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

  • Attending to Relationships

Don't let hurts and problems build up

  • Balancing Priorities vs. Demands

​If overwhelmed, reduce or put off demands

If not enough to do, create structure

  • Balancing the Wants-to-Shoulds

Get your opinion taken seriously

Get others to do things

Say no to unwanted requests

  • Building Mastery and Self-Respect

Act in a way that makes you feel competent and effective

Not helpless and dependent

Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions, follow your WISE MIND

Relationship Effectiveness

​

How They Feel

Goal: Keep or Improve Liking For Self

​

Be     Fair to yourself or the other person

​

No     Apologetic dramatization

No apologies for being alive, or making a request

No apologies for having an opinion or for disagreeing

​

          Stick to your own values

Be clear on what you believe

​

Be     Truthful.

DON'T LIE, ACT HELPLESS, OR EXAGGERATE

​

Relationship Thinking

Dichotomous thinking causes problems in relationships. Avoid:

  • Always

  • Never

  • All or Nothing

  • Black and White

  • This and That

  • With Me or Against Me

Dialectical thinking helps resolve difficulties. Increase:

  • Both/ and (there can be more than 1 perspective)

  • Positive and negative feelings (remember both)

  • Thoughts and feelings (awareness of)

  • Shades of grey

  • Awareness of Needs and Wants

  • Thinking about self and others

  • Talking and listening

I'm a paragraph. Click here to add your own text and edit me. It's easy.

Objective Effectiveness

​

Getting What You Want

Goal: Get or keep a good relationship

​

Be     Gentle: be courteous and temperate in your approach

No attacks

No threats

No judging

​

Act     Interested: be interested in the other person

Be patient. LISTEN

​

Validate: validate the other person's feelings about the situation

​

Use     Easy manner: use a little humor

SMILE, be light-hearted

GIVE

​

Use this skill to increase your capacities to improve and sustain relationships in healthy ways.

​

Gentle in relationships

Interest in others (show)

Validate

Easy Manner (use an)

Relationship Mindfulness

Apply mindfulness skills to your relationships to help keep them in perspective

​

  • ​Identify generalizations I or others are making

  • Describe assumptions I or others are making

  • Suspend judgement about others

  • Avoid jumping to conclusions

  • Empower self, don't defeat self

  • Use One-Mindfulness

  • Be non-judgmental

  • Participate effectively

Relationship Assumptions

These assumptions can help keep relationships in perspective.

​

  • Both of us are doing the best we can

  • Both of us can be more effective

  • Both of us want to be more effective

  • Both of us have to be more effective, try harder, and apply our skills

  • Neither of us caused all the problems in our relationship, and we both have to work together to solve them 

DEARMAN or WOMAN

Use this skill to accomplish your task or meet your objective

Describe what it is you want

Encourage others to help

Ask for what you want

Reinforce others, validate them 

Willingness to tolerate not always getting your way

Observe what is going on inside and around me

Mindfully present in the current moment

Appear confident

Negotiate with others

​

bottom of page